The day I lost my Mum

Mum tested positive for Covid-19 on 25th October 2021. She was double vaccinated, reasonably healthy, went on daily walks in the park, and ate plenty of fruit and veg. During the first seven days, her symptoms were not life-threatening or especially worrying, but on day eight, everything changed.

Saturday 23rd October 2021

Since my father’s passing the year before, I had spent almost every weekend at my mum’s, healing together. On Saturday 23rd October 2021, I briefly saw my mum when I dropped off some supplies at her front door, as my brother and nephew had tested positive for Covid-19 and were self-isolating. Never did I imagine that this would be the last day I would ever see my mum.

My brother, niece and nephew lived with my mum at our childhood home. On 20th October, my brother started feeling unwell and tested positive for Covid-19 on a lateral flow test. Two days later, they all took PCR tests and my nephew also tested positive. By Monday 25th, my mum had tested positive too, leaving only my 15-year-old niece to look after everyone in the house.

My brother’s symptoms took a turn for the worse and he was admitted to hospital on 26th October, but thankfully he recovered and was discharged by 30th October. Mum’s symptoms did not seem too bad. We spoke every day, and she still seemed well enough to move around the house and prepare her own food.

My mum was the type of person who would go to the GP for every little ache or pain, so we believed her when she said she was feeling okay. She even had enough energy to sing karaoke while isolating in her bedroom. She told me she only had a slight cough, although every time she coughed it gave her a headache.

Monday 1st November 2021

The day I bargained with the universe to give me back my mum

I usually spoke to my mum every single day, but for some reason we had no contact on Sunday 31st October 2021. By the next morning, I checked my phone and thought it was strange that she had not left me a message.

At 09:42 I messaged her, “How are you today, Mum?” There was no reply.

At 11:39 I sent another message, “What have you been eating? Did you sleep okay?” Still no reply.

I thought maybe she was still sleeping, so I messaged my niece to check how she was and ask how everyone at the house was coping, as by then she had also contracted Covid-19.

13:21

My niece sent me a message:

“Aunty Khenh, Mama seriously doesn’t look like she’s feeling well, she looks really pale.”

I called my brother straight away and, in a panic, he told me, “Mum looks pale, she’s not breathing.”

I told him to call 999.

My niece called 999 while I stayed on the phone with my brother. At that moment, I could not tell whether my mum was even conscious, because everything I was saying and asking, my brother was not fully registering through the panic. I kept asking whether Mum was responsive, and told him to tap her or try to wake her.

When my dad passed away the year before, he died in our arms with all of us around him, so I understood the fear and panic my brother must have been feeling in that moment.

The paramedics arrived within 10 minutes and began CPR.

15:00

I called the rest of my siblings and stayed on the phone with my brother. My second-youngest sister and I made our way to my mum’s house and arrived at around 3pm.

We spoke to the head paramedic, who told us that Mum’s heart had stopped, but they had managed to get it beating again. She was critically ill. Her vitals kept dropping, and her heart kept stopping.

Because Mum’s heart had stopped for some time, there was a chance her brain had been damaged. They explained that even if she woke up, she might not be the mum we knew. Their priority was to stabilise her heart and get her to hospital.

At that moment, I cannot even explain what was going through my mind.

I was in complete disbelief. Was this really happening? Surely the world could not be that cruel - to take my father away, and then my mother too, in such a short space of time?

My brother and nephew had already completed their self-isolation, but Mum was on day eight and my niece was on day four. So we told my niece and nephew to sit in the kitchen, my brother to stay in the living room, and my sister and I remained outside the front door.

There was a large team of paramedics going in and out of the house.

15:57

Mum’s heart had now stabilised, and they were taking her to St Thomas’ Hospital.

I told my brother to stay home and look after the children while my sister and I accompanied Mum to the hospital

16:33

My sister and I waited in a private room whilst the doctors were trying to save mum

17:00

The doctor told us that my mums heart had stopped again and said there is a high chance that mum wont make it and if we wanted to contact any other family members

19:07

My youngest sister arrived, and we spoke to one of the paramedics who had treated Mum at home. She told us that Mum was a fighter - her heart had kept stopping, but it kept coming back.

She explained that Mum had already been unconscious when they arrived because her oxygen levels were so low, and that she would not have been aware of what was happening. The doctors were still trying to stabilise her so they could take her to ICU for CT scans on her lungs and brain.

I turned to my sisters and said, “I’m not going to be greedy… I just pray that God gives my mum another chance.”

Even if Mum woke up paralysed, or in a coma, I was ready to accept that. I was ready to look after her for the rest of my life.

Please don’t take Mum away. Please give me a chance to care for her for many more years.

19:55

They managed to stabilise Mum and took her up to ICU, but she was still not awake.

20:35

We were called up to ICU. The room was icy cold and we could not turn the air conditioning off.

The doctor came in. We were all seated. He said, “I don’t have any good news. In fact, I have bad news.”

My heart sank.

Covid-19 had spread throughout Mum’s lungs and she was being kept alive by a machine. There was no way she could breathe on her own. The CT scan also showed that her brain had already started swelling and had been damaged.

She was not going to survive.

I asked the doctor, “Did Mum wake up at all?”

He replied, “No.”

He told us Mum only had minutes left and asked whether we had any questions.

I replied, “No… I just want to go and see Mum.”

We put on protective gear and entered the ICU. Seeing Mum on the bed, wired up with tubes, broke my heart.

I called every family member I could think of so they could say their final goodbyes while we spent our last moments with her. Remembering that hearing is the last sense to go, we spoke to Mum and told her not to worry about us, and to say hello to Dad for us.

We held back our tears.

21:42

At 21:22, the doctor turned off the medicine and the machine that had been keeping Mum alive.

At 21:42, she left us.

My heart broke.

The pain was unbearable.

What was Mum feeling in her last moments before she fell unconscious? Was she in pain? Did she feel alone? Did she try to call for help? Did she lose consciousness in her sleep?

These are the questions we still keep asking ourselves.

Sorry, Mum.

Sorry that I didn’t call you earlier.Sorry that I couldn’t take you on that holiday we talked about.Sorry that you had to leave so soon.

I love you so much it hurts.I can’t breathe.I feel so lost.

Rest in peace, Mum xxx

24.12.1956 - 01.11.2021