Living with Covid-19

It has been 2 years and 5 months since the first Covid-19 case in the UK, and on 2nd July 2022, I was finally struck by the virus myself. This is how it has changed my life...

Living in fear

Even though I had been fully vaccinated and boosted, I still felt shaken after my late mother passed away from Covid-19. She had also been double vaccinated and lived a reasonably healthy lifestyle.

Since then, it has really hit me that no one truly knows how Covid-19 will affect each person. Every case seems so different.

We have been through multiple lockdowns, and now that restrictions have been lifted and the world is learning to live with Covid-19, I still continue to wear a mask in public places and sanitise my hands and my desk at work. I have tried to stay cautious, but sometimes it does not matter how careful you are if it is brought home by another family member.

Day 1 - It started with a sore throat

I woke up around 8am feeling disoriented. I had some salad and sipped on a healthy spinach, ginger and lemon smoothie to try to soothe my throat. On top of that, I found out that my sister-in-law had been admitted to hospital with Covid that same day, which made me feel even more scared.

For the second day in a row, I saw that dreaded faint second line on the lateral flow test. What started as a sore throat quickly turned into chills and body aches by the evening.

I spent almost the whole day in bed and had a fever overnight.

Day 2 - Aches and fever

Again, I woke up feeling disoriented, with an extremely sore throat. The only way I can describe it is that it felt like I was swallowing glass. Every time I swallowed, or even took a deep breath, the pain was intense.

I did not eat anything that day and just kept sipping on a green smoothie. We had been away for the weekend and were driving back to London that day. The journey was quiet because I could not cope with the pain of trying to talk.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed. It felt better to sleep than to stay awake and deal with the pain.

Day 3 - Thinking about my late mother

I took a sick day and stayed in bed for most of the day again, dealing with aches, chills, and hot and cold flushes.

When I compare my symptoms to what my siblings experienced when they had Covid, it really shows how different it can be for everyone. Some of them lost their taste, some had severe headaches, some said it felt like flu, but for me it has mostly been this unbearable sore throat.

After two days with no food, I was feeling very weak. It was at that moment that I really missed my mum. Whenever I was sick, she would always make me congee.

I forced myself out of bed and made some kimchi congee, hoping the fermented kimchi, ginger and garlic would do me some good. I could not taste much, and I was not sure whether the congee was bland or whether I had actually lost my sense of taste.

I could not help thinking about how my mum must have felt in the days leading up to her death. She probably was not scared, or at least I hope she was not. She may have thought she would pull through, being double vaccinated and reasonably healthy. Thinking about that makes me frightened too. What if I suddenly take a turn for the worse?

Day 4 - Feeling fed up, sensitive and emotional

I managed to log in and do some urgent work, but I still could not talk properly and was only able to eat soft foods. I made myself some Huel hot and savoury, and I could definitely taste that, so I suppose my taste buds were still working.

My lungs were hurting though.

Today I found myself thinking about Confucius. He is known as the first teacher in China, someone who wanted education to be more widely available, and who helped establish teaching as a vocation. He also shaped ethical, moral and social values that became part of Confucianism. Mum and Dad raised us with many of those teachings and philosophies deeply rooted in us.

One of the teachings that has always stayed with me is filial piety. Whenever I think about my parents passing away at 64 and 65, I feel such deep sorrow. I feel sorry that I could not do more for them, that I could not give back even a fraction of the love they gave me.

That leads me to another painful thought. It has been 18 months since my father passed away, and 8 months since my mother. For 8 months, I have not socialised or caught up with any friends. At work, when colleagues talk about their families or their parents, it still hurts deeply. Since becoming an orphan, conversations about parents have been especially difficult for me, and while feeling ill with Covid, I feel even more emotional and vulnerable.

I have shut myself off from the world because I would rather not deal with any of it. Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting for my time to come.

My siblings all have their own families. Of course they care, but no one can care for you in the same way your parents do. Right now I feel overwhelmed with emotion and longing for my parents’ embrace. Until we meet again, I will do my best to take care of myself.

Having Covid-19 has changed me. I even looked over my will today to see whether anything needed updating. We do not know what will happen tomorrow, but I do believe that our paths are laid out for us. The question is which path we choose. Whatever we choose, I think we should be prepared for it and learn to embrace it.

This is the end of this post, and I hope I make a speedy recovery.