My first Birthday as an Orphan

Today is 10th January 2022. It’s my birthday - my first birthday without my parents.

I am still in the 100 days mourning period, so birthday celebrations are prohibited. To be honest, birthdays will never feel the same without my parents, and I’ve decided that from now on, I want to spend every birthday visiting their grave..

The word orphan has always sounded like such a sad word to me.

By definition, it means a child who has lost both parents through death. I know I still have my siblings and my friends, and I’m grateful for them. But the bond between parents and child is something completely different. It’s a kind of love, comfort and security that nothing else can really replace. It’s been just over a year since losing my dad, and 10 weeks since losing my mum, and I still think about them every single day.

Red Egg on my Birthdays

When I was growing up, my mum would always boil me an egg and dye the shell red with food colouring. In Chinese culture, red symbolises prosperity and good fortune.

She stopped doing that once we became teenagers, but today I found myself wishing she could make me one just one more time.

Why celebrate?

The day my mum gave birth to me, she probably went through so much pain. Every birthday I spent with my parents was a blessing, and a reminder that I should always love them, respect them and take care of them.

Today, I feel sad and empty. I don’t have my parents here to celebrate with, and honestly, I don’t want to celebrate with anyone else. So instead, I decided that every birthday from now on, I will visit their grave and share some food and drink with them there.

My friends have also reminded me that I’m not completely alone, sending me little bits of love through the post, which meant a lot.

Monday 10th January 2022 Gregorian Calendar / 8th December Lunar Calendar

Like 19 years ago my Gregorian birthday and Lunar Birthday fall on the exact same day. Today is Lunar calendar 8th December- The Laba festival and the 10th January Gregorian Calendar.

Laba Festival (Chinese: 臘八節) is a traditional Chinese holiday celebrated on the eighth day of the La Month (or Layue 臘月), the twelfth month of the Lunar calendar.

The Laba Festival had not been on a fixed day until the Southern and Northern dynasties, when it was influenced by Buddhism and was fixed to the eighth day of twelfth month, which was also the enlightenment day of the Buddha. Therefore, many customs of the Laba Festival are related to Buddhism. It corresponds directly to the Japanese Rohatsu and the South Asian Bodhi Day.

On this day it is customary to eat Laba congee (8 treasure congee/rice pudding)

Because today is also Laba Festival, I also prepared some eight treasure congee to serve at their altar at home for lunch along with some steamed baos, cake and cheung fun steamed rice roll. Dad gets chili sauce on his as he likes spice.

Growing up, my parents never failed to throw us a birthday party.

Our childhood parties always had the same kind of treats - mallow biscuits, iced gems, Smarties, Party Rings, cake and fruit. So I decided to prepare something similar to take with me to the grave. Red wine for dad, and Capri-Sun for mum.

I visited with my second-youngest sister, and we set up our camping chairs beside the grave and ate our Laba congee with mum and dad while reminiscing.

The four of us had been on a few family trips together, so we have a lot of memories to hold onto. Sitting there by their graveside brought a strange sense of comfort. It felt like we could have sat there for hours.

DNA test results

In the evening, we went back to the family home and made vegetable curry with paratha, which we also shared with mum and dad at the altar.

That evening, just before my sister was about to go home, she checked her 23andMe app and saw that my DNA report was finally ready. I checked my email and there it was.

It was now 8:55pm and my sister was getting ready to go home when she logged into her 23andMe app and noticed my DNA result was ready. I went to check my email and there it was...

My DNA report was ready. I will create a separate post about it when my siblings get their results back as I don't want to spoil it for them. We purchased another 3 kits for our other two sisters and brother which they only sent off last week.

Getting my DNA report on my birthday felt really special and emotional. Looking through it, I couldn’t help thinking about the DNA my parents had passed on to me. It made me feel even more connected to them somehow. I’m planning to write a separate post about it once all my siblings have their results back, because I don’t want to spoil anything for them.

View my DNA results click here